Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Getting to know your Neighbors

I will begin where I left off in the last post.

However all good things must come to an end and this was no exception. It was at this moment in time that Mr. Owl returned home with a mouse in his beak. I say Beak with a certain amount of writer prerogative, as it should read (Sharp as fucking hell weapon of mass destruction sort of thing) not to mention his for what in politer company would be called Talons. However as I have never been accused of being polite I will describe them as they were Carbide tipped sharp as a fucking Diamond things with only one purpose and that was to maim and Kill Me.

Having said this here are the don’t

(1) Don’t wear a toque even if it’s bright red it offers about as much protection as a condom stretched over your head, and no not that head.

(2) do not remove gloves and put them in your pocket just because it’s easier to get dead mice out of your other pocket using your bare hands. Also wooly mitts are NO protection against the previously mentioned Carbide tipped sharp as fucking diamonds things. Also don’t for one little minute think you are going to win their hearts with your radiant smile and your sparkling personality, Take it from me it don’t work.

Now the do’s

(1) Medieval armor would be good you know the kind the Knights of old wore, chain mail would also be good ,and I’m not talking a chain email letter here . Failing in getting a suit of armor which would make climbing a ladder somewhat of a pain, Kevlar would be a good idea. Also having a metal trashcan at the bottom of the ladder, that you can fit into would also be a good idea. Perhaps a bazooka and a flame thrower would be good but would hardly be considered to be neighborly. Also unlike me do the research, and I mean all the research, like the part that says this is a GRAND PREDATOR that will take on anything and any one that gets close to it’s nest and or territory.

Now back to Mr. Owl who has returned home after a successful hunting trip, you know bringing home the bacon or in this case a mouse. He landed on a branch about 6’ from the nest and just stared at me as only an Owl can stare, not sure as what to make of this strange apparition that was at his nest step. Now being the jovial sort of fellow I am I said Hello Mr. Owl, he just stared. I in my naiveté thought this is going well, better than I could possibly have hoped for. I say now to one and all I could not have possibly been more wrong in that assumption. He ruffled his feathers and shook the mouse as if to get Mrs. Owls attention, However it seemed that Mrs. Owl only had eyes for me, and the Two mice I had delivered. I smiled at Mr. Owl this is also not a good idea as it shows teeth and to a predator, this is a sign of aggression. This can also be referred to as kiss your ass goodbye.

Now I suppose it was adding a straw to an already broken back when Mrs. Owl reached out and snatched one of the mice I had brought, she flipped it up and gulp it was gone. This was it, it was the moment of truth his maleness was now in doubt a line had to be drawn in the sand or in this case snow and God dammit that line had been crossed. The attack came suddenly without warning, the mouse was dropped, and what ensued can only be described as Shock and Awe. He came at me like a black smith with hammer and tongs.

I tried in vane with apologies (no good) the trip down half of the ladder consisted of me trying to pull my hood up over my head and protecting my hands,(no gloves remember) and him ripping down my hood. The second half of the trip went a little quicker with me falling off of the ladder and falling ass over tea kettle the last ten feet into the snow. Now I would have thought that would have been enough but oh no not for this Owl . He was going to kick my ass and kick it good. Now remember that I had taken off my snow shoes to ascend said ladder, and the snow was about chest deep, fine to fly over not so good to run through, The bugger would just not give up. He chased me up a thirty degree grade hill through chest deep snow all the while attacking my head and hands. Now I might add that at one point I managed to crawl into the snow and retrieve my gloves, helped a bit. When I emerged from the snow he was still there and the attack resumed. It continued until he had chased me all the way to my front door. After I had gotten inside he flew passed the house a few times , I suppose just to make sure his point had been well taken, then he left I imagine to have a Wooo the hell was that ? And what the hell what the hell was it doing here sort of thing.. I do so hope that I didn’t cause a Doctor Phil moment.

However, I had left my snow shoes and ladder, these I needed and plans had to be made in order to retrieve them, not to mention I’m as stubborn as an Ox and I really wanted to make friends with these Magnificent creatures that shared my world with me.

Next time More on Mr. And Mrs. Owl who are soon to become Alexander and Catharine the Great horned Owls as well as Founding Members of The Swallows nest & co.

oh and by the by click on the pic, this is the view from the edge of my lawn and about 100 metres down in the middle of the pic is where their nest was.

1 comment:

Penny said...

omg silverfish, all I kept thinking through this is, what the hell were you thinking, no really, I mean it what the hell were you thinking.

I am reading it even to hubby as I sit in front of the computer and he just chuckles.

listen I am glad you weren't to hurt as I beleive that bird could have done you some serious serious damage!

but, I love the story.
and look forward to more, it has been enjoyable, though not for you really.

River Fog

River Fog
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