Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Ripe Bean Soup

Ripa Schauble Suppe

This is an ole Favorite of mine handed down to me by my Sainted ole Grandma.
What is this favorite Recipe? You might well ask, well seeing that you have asked , It’s Ripa Schauble Suppe. But this is not just your ordinary bean soup made with a can of Campbell’s pork & beans gently sautéed in a rich broth of Scotch, Vermouth and Gin .

No Siree this is different, the dedicated Research Team here at Swallow Central have again spared NO expense in bringing to the world the culinary delights of a bygone age.

This has class, this has schmaltz, this has everything , not only that but it tastes good too. And lord it’s got beans, plenty of beans. So prepare to Toot your horn or toot whatever feels good, and won’t get you in trouble with the law.

Remove clothing Don’t know how to cook with wine you say, Nooo probleemo Swallow is here to show you how.

Once again we need the large canner 20 quart size will do nicely, To big you say, hey we bought a lot of Beans for this and dammit we are going to need a place to put them.

1 Five cups dried red kidney beans. Soaked overnight, To much you say, Hah you ain’t seen nothing yet .
2 The remaining Ten taters left over from the twenty that you bought to make the last soup.
3 Eight large orange carrots
4 Five parsnips
5 Three onions LARGE
6 One large Bassoon, we’ll get to this later. But like it’s really important.
7 Two Bottles of Wine, Cotes du Rhone is nice.


1 Nine whole star anise ( if you use the bits it looks like you are boiling cockroaches, not cool )
2 Forty one pepper balls , forty might work if you lived in the Andy’s, but you don’t, so PLEASE stick with the first amount.
3 Five Laurel leaves, available at most Toga party’s
4 Three blistering hot dried chili peppers, for that Zing thing.
5 One half cup chopped Dill Weed
6 Parsley what ever amount you have, as unlike Pussy no one really likes to eat Parsley.
7 One glass of wine,


1 One Glass of Wine, see above .

2 Two large links Smoked Farmer Sausage ( farmer removed )
3 One small Smoked Picnic Ham , whole


Two Quarts Whole Cream . Gently stroked from the teats of a cute but lonely Jersey cow
1 One pound Butter.
3 One glass of Wine, oh noover minds you get the Ideas.
4 One quart Sour Cream
5 At least One Large Dog, for company

Preparations of aboves goodies stuffs

Boils the beans ins da pot until sort of cooked
Have a sip of Wine
Cut sausage length ways and then into 1/4 “ pieces
Have a sips of Wine
Add wholes Ham to pot
Peel and dice Taters add to pot
Have a sip of Wine
Peel and slice carrots on the bias
Peel Parsnips and add to pot, do not cut Parsnips, just tell people that they are piglet tails.
Have Two sips of da Wines
Add Dill Weed ,Chiles and Parsley
Sit back and be Proud, tell your dog that He/She should be proud of you to, have a sip of Wine.
Let boil on high heat for Four hours stirring constantly while reciting the incantation, ( Beans Beans the Magical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot, the more you toot the better you feel so eat your beans with every meal.)

In small Sauce pan add 450 ml broth add anise and pepper balls , put on slow boil. Add water as required,
Rest, sit back and drink a Bottle of Wine.

After four hours add Sweet Cream , Sour Cream and Butter, and strain Spice stuff into pot, discard spices, Stir.
Remove pork rind and feed to dogs.
Now Have a Large Glass of Wine, Grab the Bassoon run outside and make rude noises while still naked, this will assure that your neighbors will not come over to mooch.

Ladle into bowls and enjoy,
Best with YOU GUESSED IT , A Glass of Wine

Also it freezes very well. Hence the large amounts, as well it does not work to make this on a small scale. The more often it is reheated the better.

Another culinary delight brought to you by the Bird Brained Research Team at Swallow’s Nest Inc. a wholly owned subsidiary of Fly by Night Industries .

We also do marriage Consoling, Heart transplants and Embalming.

For free quotes on our other services contact some one, Please!.

1 comment:

Laurieac2001 said...

Thanks for the recipe, I will definitely try it. Now, how about some teas?

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