Thursday, February 5, 2009

Where do Dogs and Cats Come From?

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to the question "Where do dogs and cats come from?"

1. Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the Garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

2. And God said, "No probleemo! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you in spite of yourself."

3. And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail.

4. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal." And God said, "No probleemo! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG." 

5. And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

6. After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well."

7. And the Lord said, "No probleemo! I will create a companion for him who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration." And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam.

8. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the Supreme Being. And Adam learned humility. And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was happy. And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.


Skye said...

"And Cat didn't give a shit one way or another"

OMG man, that's too funny!

By the way, why is Cat called "Cat" seeing as now we know why dog is dog!?!

nobody said...

And the little dog barked to see such fun.

Well this hippy did anyway. That last line was a cracker.

the Silverfish said...

I felt that I had a feeling that my devout readers were feeling a need of important answers So I felt that I should fill that empty feeling that I felt you all had.

Yuh know answers to questions like where do dogs and cats fit into the grand scream of things, or why do lawn mowers sometimes start after you kick them and other times not, or if you filled your lungs with air and then held your breath and farted would you weigh less, methane being heavier than air and all. I'm sure most of us have wondered about these things from time to time. I know I have.

nobody said...

Speaking of farts, have we discussed Douglas Adam's Meaning of Liff? I remember chatting to someone about it in the comments. Was it you?

Anyway, I've invented my own entry. And it has a Canadian place name! Yay!

n. Any fart done underwater, such as in the bath, or in the shower by means of a handful of water cupped to the buttocks.

the Silverfish said...

No it was not me as I never discus farts online as it's so rude.

nobody said...

It's only rude if they're malodorous. Otherwise it's fine comedy. I know for a fact that when the Queen cracks one out, she kicks the corgi, and everyone laughs their heads off.

susana said...

"And cat didn't give a shit one way or another".
That is one thing that cannot be argued.
Ha ha ha.

the Silverfish said...

So many things about cats cannot be argued.

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